BECOMING
My word coming into 2024 was BECOMING. It felt so right. There were so many plans that I had as the new year started, and some things that were just naturally happening that were not my plans (such as becoming a grandparent!) I came into 2024 with so much excitement and anticipation! I had plans to write a book (become an author), plans to launch my official business of Net Positive Life Coaching (become an entrepreneur), and a desire to speak on a stage (become a speaker)!
I started the year strong! I had a to-do list running through my head (and scattered on the pages of my journal) that was so long and overwhelming. But I kept adding to it because I didn’t feel like any of it was actually making me feel like I was any of those things. It’s hard to call yourself an entrepreneur when you aren’t making any money. It’s hard to call yourself a speaker when you haven’t stepped foot on a stage. And it’s hard to call yourself an author when you haven’t even finished one full chapter of your book.
So as you can imagine… everything kind of stalled out. My to-do list kept growing and my anxiety was increasing. My mind was racing through my list all day, every day. When it got to a point that I had to talk to someone about it, I called my therapist and scheduled an appointment. (You might wonder why I couldn’t just talk to my husband and work through it. The truth is, I did communicate what was going on with my husband, and he has always been super supportive. But I believe in therapy and that my husband’s role is not to be all things for me at all times. We are human, and no one can be everything for someone. )
In talking with my therapist, I shared what was going on, including the fact that I had decided to write down all of my to-dos in a single journal entry, and it consisted of nearly 30 items! She assured me I am not crazy, and that anyone would feel overwhelmed with that size of a list. She told me to allow myself only 3 at a time, and encouraged me to find a “win” to credit myself with every single day. I’ll admit, the idea of only having 3 in front of me at a time was scary. But I tried it. And I have been finding something to consider a win every single day. This has decreased the amount of anxiety I have been feeling drastically! But I still didn’t feel like I was any closer to becoming any of those things I had set out to become.
Then on Sunday, I was sitting in church and in the middle of the teaching, our pastor said, “If you start becoming, the doing takes care of itself.” I wrote that down immediately. For the first time, I recognized my word for the year as developing an identity, not a resume of titles. Now, everything is shifting in my mind. It’s getting clearer and clearer.
My favorite time to pray has been during my car rides alone. This morning I had a 45 minute drive to Sunshine Medical Clinic where I am working with them to improve my health. With no music or podcast in the background, I asked God to continue showing me how I am to show up and become who I was created to be. After a few minutes of silence, I had an incredible realization. All of the titles I have been working to become this year can be categorized together at their most basic level… teacher. That’s who I am becoming. It might manifest as a podcast host, a speaker, an author, or a life coach… but at the heart of it all is teaching what I have been learning to others to help them in their journeys.
The pressure of it all feels so much lighter in this moment. My main objective is to continue learning and growing and healing myself, and when the time comes, I will be ready to teach whoever God puts in my path through whichever channel is mostly likely to resonate with them… through a book, by listening to a podcast, by being a client, or in a simple conversation with someone who crosses my path for a moment.
I am again reminded that His plans are so much greater than mine…
”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
