What if it all works out?

As a mom, I have often caught myself in an endless loop of, “what if…?” It is that voice in my head that questions the outcome of every potential decision I try to make. This is true in pretty much every area of life, but particularly as a mom. I have lived most of my motherhood journey stuck in this cycle of what I believed was being cautious and careful. In fact, it was nothing more than doubt and fear.

It is crippling.

These “what ifs” show up in the big and small decisions. Here are some of the ones that circled in my head throughout the years:

• As a pregnant 18-year-old, I was asked to speak to a lady who had given up a child for adoption when she was a teenager. I listened to her tell her story and could respect her decision, but I knew that was not the choice for me. And then my self-doubt began asking, “what if you can’t take care of this baby?” “What if the baby will be taken better care and loved more if she grows up with a married couple?” “What if you keep her and she grows up missing her purpose?” “What if she is mad that she grew up with a single mom instead of a financially stable family?” What if…? What if…?

• When my oldest daughter was in first and second grade, the decision was made to homeschool her. “What if she doesn’t get the socialization she needs?” “What if I can’t teach her what she needs to know?” “What if I am too tired to wake up and take care of the other kids AND make sure she does her school?” “What if she ends up being dumb because of me?” What if…? What if…?

• Pregnant with my fifth child and in the middle of an extremely toxic marriage, I had no idea what to do. The thought of leaving did not even have room to show up in my head. I was there, committed, and not sure how to change the daily pattern. “What if he hits me again?” “What if he ends up seriously hurting one of our babies?” “What if he knows I’m thinking he isn’t safe to be around?” “What if my family finds out my marriage is miserable?” What if…? What if…?

• I found myself living in one bedroom of my brother’s house with my four children and one on the way. “What if I can’t afford to take care of my babies on my own?” “What if we can’t stay here and we have no place to go?” “What if my ex shows up and wants to forcibly take the kids?” “What if my kids end up scarred from the divorce?” “What if they resent me for not going back?” What if…? What if…?

• Standing in a hospital room covered head to toe in protective gear holding my husband’s hand as he lay unresponsive, breathing only with the help of a ventilator, I was not sure how life would move forward if he became the next victim to COVID. “What if he dies?” “What if I can’t pay the bills?” “What if the kids can’t handle another loss?” “What if this destroys our family?” “What if we lose our home?” What if…? What if…?

They have also shown up in less dramatic fashion: What if I do not lose that baby weight? What if I do not feed my kids healthy foods? What if I cut my hair and I end up hating it? What if I accept this new position at work and I do not meet their expectations? What if I sign up my son for summer camp and he gets homesick? And on and on…

The truth is, when we are about to do something that we have never done before, we are going to have questions and curiosities about the outcome. In my past and up until recently, I allowed those questions to consume me with fear. I have avoided many invitations to parties or events because of the question, “what if I am not good enough?” “What if no one likes me?” I can tell you, it is a miserable way to live, but I thought I was protecting myself and my children with every “what if” I listened to. But listening to that voice in my head did not give me the peace of mind I was looking for. And very recently, I learned how to respond to that voice. I wish I could say that I thought of this on my own. I did not. However, I am so grateful that I heard this at the exact moment I did. A motivational speaker and author that I follow on social media posted a reel addressing this very topic. Now, every time I hear that voice in my head asking, “What if…” followed by a negative thought, I answer back…” what if it all works out?”

This has the potential to be life changing. I can give a new perspective to the voice in my head. I can choose to view each and every new decision in my life with the question: What if it all works out?

I am starting graduate school in less than a month…what if it all works out?

I am moving forward in my current relationship…what if it all works out?

I am moving my family to a new city in just four weeks…what if it all works out?

My kids are starting a brand-new high school…what if it all works out?

Who said we have to go into every decision we make full of negativity, doubt, and fear that we will fail? Who said that we are destined to fail this time just because things did not go as planned the last time? The truth is no one knows what will happen in the future. No one knows how the decisions we make will turn out until after we go for it. And there is plenty ofresearch to support the notion that having a positive attitude and outlook on life leads to a happier life. We reap what we sow. So, are you sowing negativity and doubt, or are you sowing positivity and self-confidence?

The next time you find yourself in the endless loop of the what-if cycle, I challenge you to answer back…

What if it all works out?